


ᴛʀɪᴀʟs ᴏғ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴀɴᴅ sᴛʀᴇɴɢᴛʜ⚣ʏᴀᴏɪ♡ᴇ.ᴊ×ʟ.ᴀ✿ᴄᴀɴᴏɴ.ᴠᴇʀsᴇ.ᴇʀᴏᴛɪᴄᴀ

by EreriLover247



Series: Trials of Hope and Strength | Clean [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Dysphoria, Body Image, Body Worship, Bottom Eren Yeager, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Canon Era, Canon Related, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, Diary/Journal, Dominant Eren Yeager, Dominant Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), During Canon, Eren Yeager is a Little Shit, Established Relationship, Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, Eventual Smut, Gay, Gay Sex, Gentle Sex, Heavy Angst, Hope, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Swears, Levi Has Feelings (Shingeki no Kyojin), Levi Has OCD (Shingeki no Kyojin), Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, Making Love, Mama Hange Zoë, Not Canon Compliant, Older Eren Yeager, Oral Sex, Out of Character, Out of Character Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Pining Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Reunion Sex, Scarred Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Scars, Seme Eren Yeager, Seme Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Smut, Strength, Submissive Eren Yeager, Submissive Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Switch Eren Yeager, Switch Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Switching, Titan Eren Yeager, Titan-Haired Eren Yeager, Top Eren Yeager, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Trials, Uke Eren Yeager, Uke Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:33:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27272734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EreriLover247/pseuds/EreriLover247
Summary: ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ʟɪᴠᴇs ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴛ sᴛᴀᴋᴇ, ɢᴜᴀʀᴅᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ sɪxᴛʏ ᴍᴇᴛᴇʀ ʜɪɢʜ ᴡᴀʟʟs, ʜᴜᴍᴀɴɪᴛʏ ɪs ᴀᴛ ᴡᴀʀ ᴀɢᴀɪɴsᴛ ᴀɴ ᴜɴᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ᴇɴᴇᴍʏ. ᴛɪᴛᴀɴs ʀᴀɴɢɪɴɢ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ ᴍᴇᴛᴇʀs ᴛᴏ ᴏᴠᴇʀ sɪxᴛʏ ᴍᴇᴛᴇʀs ᴛᴀʟʟ, ᴀ ʀᴇɢɪᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴄᴀʟʟᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ sᴄᴏᴜᴛɪɴɢ ʟᴇɢɪᴏɴ ᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇs ᴘᴀssᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʟʟs ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴄʟᴀɪᴍ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀs ʙᴇᴇɴ ʟᴏsᴛ.ᴇʀᴇɴ ᴊᴀᴇɢᴇʀ ʟᴏsᴛ ʜɪs ᴍᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ᴀ ᴛɪᴛᴀɴ, ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴇᴠɪ ᴀᴄᴋᴇʀᴍᴀɴ ʟᴏsᴛ ʜɪs ʙᴇsᴛ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴍᴇ ғᴀᴛᴇ. ᴛʜᴇʏ ʙᴏᴛʜ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀɪᴇғ ᴏғ ʟᴏsɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴍᴏᴛʜᴇʀ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴇʀᴇɴ ᴄᴀɴ ᴋᴇᴇᴘ ʟᴇᴠɪ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴅʀᴀsᴛɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ ғᴏʀᴛɪғʏɪɴɢ.ᴡɪʟʟ ᴇʀᴇɴ ʙᴇ ᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴋᴇᴇᴘ ʟᴇᴠɪ ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡ ʜɪs ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ ᴏғ ᴋɪʟʟɪɴɢ ᴀʟʟ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏɴsᴛᴇʀs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛᴏʀᴇ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ ʜɪs ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ? ᴏʀ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ɢᴏ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ ғᴏʀ ʜɪᴍ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ ᴡᴀʟʟs ʟᴏsᴇ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ sᴛʀᴏɴɢᴇsᴛ sᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ?𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨:𝘼𝙣𝙜𝙨𝙩𝙁𝙡𝙪𝙛𝙛𝙎𝙢𝙪𝙩𝙔𝙖𝙤𝙞𝘽𝙤𝙮×𝘽𝙤𝙮/𝙈𝙖𝙡𝙚×𝙈𝙖𝙡𝙚/𝙀𝙧𝙚𝙣×𝙇𝙚𝙫𝙞⚿×⛾𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙢/𝙨𝙪𝙗𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙫𝙚/𝙪𝙠𝙚 𝙇𝙚𝙫𝙞⛾𝙙𝙤𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙣𝙩/𝙨𝙚𝙢𝙚/𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙀𝙧𝙚𝙣⚿
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss, Jean Kirstein/Connie Springer, Levi/Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Sasha Blouse, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Trials of Hope and Strength | Clean [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1991338
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	1. Entry 199: The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: I might not use a lot of dialogue in this chapter because of the fact that this is kinda of a prologue, so I'm not adding any in. I hope you will still be able to follow through without it. If not, I deeply apologize for this. It's shitty, but I was craving a canon – don't forget to offer your hearts to the glory of humanity.
> 
> Also song above is one of my fave songs by (one of) my fave gatly singers. The song is dedicated to my fave gal, Christina, who was killed by an obsessed fan whom.she rejected, resulting in a shootout during a live concert. Hope you enjoy this chap I bestow to you!
> 
> ~•Your Alpha•~

⚿—𝓔𝓻𝓮𝓷 𝓙𝓪𝓮𝓰𝓮𝓻—⚿

_Entry 199, day 199, year 858_

_Eren Jaeger, SC scout of 104th, S.O.S_

_Scouting Legion Headquarters_

_High Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman_

Too much blood. That's all I saw. On the ground, the trees, the rocks, the flowers, the horses. The uniforms with their beautiful overlapped bicoloured wings and forest green and brown colours. When I awoke it was with a jolt, Mikasa sitting on her knees beside me. She asked why I was crying, and when I touched my cheeks, sure enough I was.

"I– don't know."

I stood up and followed her down the hill and back to Shiganshina. The Scouts were coming back from their recent expedition, and I wanted to be there when they walked through the gate. We sat behind a large crowd of people, our packs of wood strapped to our backs as I stood on a crate and her on the ground next to me. I tiptoed a little bit to see better over baldies head, the gate currently rising in front of everybody.

I grinned and bounced in place, fists holding the straps as I watched them all walk through either on foot or by horse or cart. My smile fell, however, when I saw all the wounded soldiers leading a cart filled with sheeted bodies. An eerie silence fell over me, but over everybody else it was a deafening whisper of disgust and shaming and negative remarks. I got angry at the bald guy in front of me when he bad-talked Captain Erwin and his squad, and pulled a stick from my carrier, whacking him on the back of the head with it.

He bellowed in pain, and Mikasa grabbed my pack and dragged me off, slamming my body against a wall at the shout of the civilian I had hit. I shouted as my back hit the brick wall, pain coursing down my spine as all of the wood I carried scattered.

"Great, Mikasa! Look what you've done!"

I cursed Mikasa and scolded her halfheartedly, reaching down to pick up all of the sticks off of the ground. She bent down and helped me, and soon they were all gathered. We walked back to the house, and when we arrived we set the wood into the storage box.

My – our – after Mikasa joined us she became more than just my mother — mother praised us for gathering enough wood to last a while. I smiled and watched her cook dinner. When we sat down to eat, however, Mikasa told on me.

"Eren's thinking of joining the Scouting Legion."

I threw my hands in the air.

"Thanks for opening your big mouth, Mikasa!"

My mother flew around the table and forbade me of joining. She told me "No child of mine is going into the military!"

I scoffed and yelled back. Is it too late to say I regretted that whole conversation? I shouldn't have fought her and just said 'I love you'. I didn't know I'd lose her within the hour

She tried to have dad scold me, but he sided me and promised to show me the basement. I was excited; he never showed mom the basement. Now I got to see inside. I ran off with Mikasa on my tail, like always.

We saved Armin from a couple of bullies, then we sat at the water's edge looking at his book, which was his grandfather's, and talked about seeing the ocean one day.

A vibration shook us apart, and we went to the square to check it out. A hand bigger than our house was sitting on top of the wall, and then a head appeared. A Titan. It kicked the wall open, and then me and Armin and Mikasa were running.

I realized which direction the debris flew, and I panicked, running for home. Mother was trapped under the rubble of our home. She must have stood in the doorway waiting for us to come home. But we were too late.

Hannes came and went to kill the Titan. But he was a coward. He took us away, and I watched the thing pick her up and break her body in half. It ate her, and her blood was everywhere. On the house, the ground, on me.

We got on the ferry, and we traveled to the next wall. It was soon breached by another Titan; the Armoured Titan. We went into Rose, and then we joined the Trainee Corps as soon as we were of age. I trained hard. Mikasa and Armin trained hard as well.

Before we even graduated, Trost was breached. I fought and tried to save Armin, but I was swallowed up. I swore to avenge my mother's death, and I swore to eradicate them all.

That was the last thing I remember before I was surrounded by MPs with their guns in my face. Shadis saved me, and I helped cover the hole in the wall using Armin's idea of plugging it with a giant boulder that stood in the center of Trost.

It succeeded, and then you showed up. I was put to trial, and I went with the Scouts. I was happy. I finally made it. Now to finish my goal.

On my first expedition, my new friends and squad were killed keeping me safe, and I was almost kidnapped. I blamed myself, and tried to self harm, but my body healed faster each slice, so I gave up.

I added them to my vengeance list, and I fought harder. I trained at night, and trained during the day. I did experiments with Hanji. I cleaned when I wasn't training or doing experiments. Each new death made me work harder to kill them all. To be to your level. At least, enough to make you proud.

Erwin losing his arm was another thing I started hating myself for. All because he was leading a league of Titans to save me, he got his arm ripped off. Well, he sliced it off to escape a monster's mouth, but he still lost his arm. Killing Bertolt and giving Armin the serum to save him, and then him eating Bertolt, followed by Reiner dying. That put a tiny bit of the self-hate into the grave, but it didn't go away for good.

Being with you in every sense, it keeps my demons at bay. I feel free and alive when I'm with you. When I'm not I feel trapped and lonely and dead. I don't hurt myself no more, because I know I can't leave any scars. But I do eat less than I tell you I do.

Being without you is like losing my soul. I don't like the feeling. It's like my body is shutting down and trying to rebuild itself. It can't, though, because it can't be whole without you. My heart doesn't beat the same away from you. My lungs don't work right away from you. My limbs don't move in the right direction. My legs try to push me to you, but my mind is set on taking Marley and Eldia down. I'm not here because I betrayed you, I'm here because my brother betrayed my dad.

I'm here to take him down and stop everything. I'll be home soon. And then we can go back to the ocean and build that house we wanted.

You know, you might hate me, but I hope this will give you something to think about. I didn't know how I truly felt about you, until my twenty second birthday, when I wished desperately that you were with me. I've been wanting to write this to you (I know it's a journal you might not see until I return, but I want to do this anyway) since I realized them: I love you. More than I've ever loved anyone else.

Don't let those words steer you away. Let them bring you farther into my heart, closer to my chest. I don't want to make decisions for you. I just want you happy, like you make me. So I hope that the decision you make is right. I don't know which one that is. You do, so make it and leave me in heartbreak or in joy of holding you again.

I have to go soon. I'm so close. This mission will be the last. And then he'll be dead, and I'll be back into your arms. Or back with you in mine. And I'll give this to you, and I'll allow you to read everything that has happened since I left everyone at the shore.

Tell Mikasa and Armin sorry for me. In order to make Zeke and the others I was on their side was to call the closest to me 'slaves'. You were never a slave. Mikasa and Armin were never my slaves, either. Tell them that for me?

Always remember this: I love you with everything I have and everything I give and everything I am. Never doubt my feelings or my intentions or my faith or my loyalty. It will always be to you and my friends and my sister.

See you on the other side.

_Forever thinking of you,_   
_Eren Jaeger_


	2. Trials of Memories and Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Hanji have a heart to heart. He reads Eren's journals while she is gone. He cries in between. They both do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is going to be in Eren's and Levi's POVs only. Chapters will switch between the two often, but I'll try not to do a POV change in the chapters. If I do it's probably because it would be too short if I separated them.
> 
> Hope ya enjoy it! Offer your hearts to the glory of humanity!  
> ~•LJ•~

⛾—𝔏𝔢𝔳𝔦—⛾  
⛾—858, 𝔫𝔬𝔬𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔪𝔢, 𝔖ℭ ℌ𝔔—⛾

♬–𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔱𝔩𝔢 𝔡𝔬 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔨𝔫𝔬𝔴 𝔥𝔬𝔴 ℑ'𝔪 𝔟𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔴𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔣𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔞𝔰𝔩𝔢𝔢𝔭  
𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔱𝔩𝔢 𝔡𝔬 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔨𝔫𝔬𝔴 ℑ'𝔪 𝔰𝔱𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔥𝔞𝔲𝔫𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔟𝔶 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔪𝔢𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔰  
𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔱𝔩𝔢 𝔡𝔬 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔨𝔫𝔬𝔴 ℑ'𝔪 𝔱𝔯𝔶𝔫𝔞 𝔭𝔦𝔠𝔨 𝔪𝔶𝔰𝔢𝔩𝔣 𝔲𝔭 𝔭𝔦𝔢𝔠𝔢 𝔟𝔶 𝔭𝔦𝔢𝔠𝔢–♬

I lay in bed propped up as Hanji handed me my lunch.

White bandages covered a large proportion of my face: wrapping around my head, over my right eye and across the bridge of my nose, covering the entirety of my lower face. Underneath the bandages was a series of small cuts, a larger slash going from above my right eye, through it, across my cheek and passed my lips, ending right of my chin. There were two smaller gashes on my left cheek. My right leg was also lost that day. Below my knee was a stubble of what I used to call a leg. Without it I am officially useless in battle.

The losses of my eye and leg were caused by the thunder cannons exploding on me when I was getting to Zeke. Hanji saved me, and I'm grateful.

I accepted the soup and ate it gingerly. It was warm and soothing to my sore muscles and body. I finished it and thanked the commander.

"No worries, shortie! I'll be back. Just stay laying down, 'kay?" She went off, and I relaxed back in my pillows. It's been awhile since I've done this, back when Eren was still with me.

I smacked myself, shaking my head as if to throw the thoughts as far away as I could get them. It just seemed to spur them on, making them stronger. Every little thing filled my mind, from our first kiss to our last embrace. I pulled myself up into a full sit-up position. I balled myself up and settled my face between my knees. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to keep my breath regular.

Hanji was at my side the moment she was in the room, rocking me in her arms. "What's wrong, Lee?"

"Hng. I don't like remembering. It brings back too many painful memories. I want them buried." I couldn't raise my voice higher than a whisper.

"Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help you."

Those words assured me just how much she was suffering as well. Eren was almost like a son to her, no matter how much she seemed to annoy the hell out of the younger boy. I lifted my head and moved myself so that she was properly holding me. I settled my chin on her shoulder and wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

We both rocked together, relaxing and trying to temporarily forget all about him. No matter how much it seemed to be true, neither of us could (or would for that matter) believe that he had betrayed us for that oversized monkey. He was a puppy the whole time he was a part of the Survey Corps. He followed me (or Hanji or Erwin if he was assisting them) everywhere, did what he was told without complaints, cooked and cleaned without fighting with the others and making an even bigger ruckus, and even did whatever paperwork I was too tired to finish.

"Hey, Levi? What would you say if I mentioned telling stories about Eren, or if I mentioned listening to you talk about him? Would that be too much?" Hanji was apprehensive when asking, voice quivering with anxiety.

I sat back and released her, looking down at my hands as I sorted out my thoughts. When I felt ready to answer, I spoke, "I want to forget, but… I can't. He was my everything, even if I didn't get to tell him. Did you know that as soon as we got back, I planned on visiting a jeweler? I wanted to tell him I loved him, and then I wanted to propose. But he left me – us – on the shore of the ocean to go somewhere we couldn't find him.

"When he was anxious, he picked up a rag and dusted whatever needed dusting. It was cute because… because it was something I didn't really expect of him. And when he was nervous, he scratched at the back of his neck, and he sketched in my extra notepads. All of the pictures would be the same thing: a flower in the crack of a concrete ground. Or it would be the face of one of his friends, or me, or you, or Erwin, or someone I've never met before.

"When he was excited, he'd lift himself up on his heel, then set himself back down, before repeating the process as if bouncing. When he was happy, he had the most adorable dimple in his left cheek. When he was sad, I held him tight, which seemed to be the only time he would really let his tears and grief go.

"Those were rare, but I was always there for him. When we made love, or fucked seeing we never talked about feelings besides whether we were stressed or not, it was always magical. He topped most of the time, but when I did he became more vulnerable. I loved that about him." I wasn't aware I had been rambling until I stopped talking. I said so much, I was appalled I had said any of it all.

"Wow. I didn't know you two had any sort of personal relationship at _all._ You two were _so formal_ in public. How did you guys hide it from everybody?" She was gaping with a large curious grin on her face.

I sat back with glossy eyes and a tightened jaw and a pale face, I avoided her glance. "Me and Eren wanted to keep it private. After all it wasn't anyone's business but our own."

"Right, right. Of course. Sorry, Levy-Levs."

I looked up; jaw loose, eyes spilling salty tears, face turning a light shade of pink. She embraced me again, and I returned it. I hid my face in her shoulder again, letting the tears run dry before I pulled back up. "Thanks, Zoë, for never leaving my side through everything. I don't know what I would do without you here to support me."

Her face lit up once more, her smile small but there. We sat in silence for a while before I got bored and asked for paperwork. She helped me to my desk, and I got comfortable (with her help) and got started on the papers stacked on my mahogany desk. It was another hour and a half before I finished. She took them away after putting me to bed.

I reached under my pillow and took the journal out, opening it to the middle where I last left off.


	3. Entry 89: Dear: Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Journal entry into Eren's mind.

_Entry 89, day 89, year 858_   
_Eren Jaeger, SC scout of 104th, S.O.S_   
_Scouting Legion Headquarters_   
_High Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman_

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?   
I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on   
So tell me when you're gonna let me in   
I'm getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin   
And if you have a minute, why don't we go   
Talk about it somewhere only we know?   
This could be the end of everything   
So why don't we go?   
So why don't we go?   
Ahh   
Ohh   
This could be the end of everything   
So why don't we go   
Somewhere only we know?   
Somewhere only we know   
Somewhere only we know

Dear Levi,

I'm starting this off with some lyrics an Eldian over here made. It's from a 'song', they call it, called Somewhere Only We Know. The Eldian, Keane, gave me permission to use them in here to tell you about them. They remind me of HQ, or behind it at the lake where we used to run away to. Where we found our solace to talk or nap or… do things.

I'm sorry. Can I say it enough? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. _**I'm sorry!**_ I can say it a thousand times and never know if you forgive me. One day I'll write an entry explaining _everything_. I promise. Just now isn't the time. By my next journal, I'll have come home, and you'll know the whole truth. Cross my heart.

This has to be short, but know I'll see you soon.

See you on the other side.

_Forever thinking of you,_   
_Eren Jaeger_


	4. Trials of Battle Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Mama Hanji and Levi moment.

⛾-𝔏𝔢𝔳𝔦-⛾

A pebble hit my window one night as I tried to sleep. I immediately assumed it was one of the idiots messing around, but when I grabbed my cane and pulled myself to my window, a book was resting on the sill. I picked it up and opened to the front. In the familiar curling handwriting was Eren's name.

I went back to my bed and sat back down, leaning back. I got comfortable, and I stared at it. I didn't get a chance to open because Hanji came in. She had a cup of steaming hot black tea in her hands. I watched the steam swirl above the mug, disappearing into the air.

"Thanks, Zoë. I need this." The journal sat in my lap, and I shuffled around hoping she didn't notice it. Karma of fucking course bit my ass and chewed it.

"What's that, Lee!?" Her scientist face was on, and I grumbled as I shoved it under my pillow and sat back against it.

"None of your damn business, shitty four eyes. Can't I have a few secrets to myself?" I sipped at the hot drink slowly, letting calm me down before I strangled her.

"Ugh! Fine, shortie! But I better get told about it sometime! I wanna know what's in it!" She sat in her original spot next to me in the chair by my bed and wiggled around anxiously.

I scoffed and continued to sip at my tea, glaring at nothing as I wondered when I would see Eren again. This is supposed to be the very last journal. So that means the mission is over. It's been two months since the first journal came to me, and three weeks since I read that entry containing his confession. I held a meeting (in my room since four eyes won't let me leave my room) and told everyone what he wrote (more like I made them into my own thoughts, turning them into a hope for everybody who would listen). Hanji, Ackerman, Arlert, Kirschtein, Springer, and Braus were the only ones who attended it, since I was sure they were more interested in knowing his whereabouts than anyone else in the corps, and they were all wondering whose side he was truly loyal to, the Yeagerists or us, his only family.

There were lots of questions, and lot a of arguments, but me being me I settled it. I told them my thoughts, and I told them my actual beliefs about him. I took some words from the journal to spice the explanation. They took it their own way, but not bad that I could see in my presence, though I'm not sure what they did when they left my room.

"You'll find out soon. For now just continue quietly bringing me my meals and tea, and I'll be nice to you of you ask zero questions after you leave my room. Deal?" My eyes turned to her, and I shot a mild glare towards her, warning her to agree or deal the consequence.

"Yea, yea, yea. Whatever you say, midget."

My glare hardened, eyes slitting as the insult passed her lips. "Wanna rephrase that, shitty glasses?"

She chuckled nervously, standing up and raising her hands as she backed up. "Heheh, sorry~, Levi. I'll just- leave you to your brooding. Bye!" She skipped out of my room, door slamming shut behind her.

I pulled the book out and opened it, reading the first entry.

×× ════════ ××× ════════ ××  
 _Entry 89, day 89, year 858_  
 _Eren Jaeger, SC scout of 104th, S.O.S_  
 _Scouting Legion Headquarters_  
 _High Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman_


	5. Trials of A Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren returns and cuddle the shit out of Levi. Some much needed fluff after a bit of angst.

⛾—𝔏𝔢𝔳𝔦—⛾

I opened my eyes to the sun glaring at my one uncovered eye, bandaged hand raising to shield it. I sat up in time for Hanji to come in. "Morning, Captain! Rise and shine, shortie! Breakfast time~!"

She came to me with a bowl of porridge and freshly baked bread. I accepted it with a grumpy "thanks, four eyes" before digging in. I didn't show it outwardly, but inside I was excited and anxious. I want to see Eren, but I don't know what I'll say to him if I do. Will it be an insult? Pfft, of course it fucking will. When do I _not_ throw an insult at the people I care about? And I care about him and Hanji and his friends un-admittedly more than I care about the fact I lost my leg and eye and fingers.

I finished my breakfast and drank my tea, handing her the dishes before getting comfortable.

"Oh, no you don't, you midget of a captain! I'm getting you out of this stuffy room, and you're getting some _much_ needed exercise!" Hanji pulled the wheelchair away from the wall and grabbed my cane, coming to me.

I grumbled and sat up again, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I accepted her help as she pulled me off the bed and into the chair. I grabbed the cane and my journal and shuffled my hands in front of me, getting snug as I readied for some much needed tranquil light training. My hands trembled slightly, tightening around the curve of my cane and the leather binding of the journal.

Hanji took me to the parade grounds, stopping me by the resting benches where a few cadets and officers sat or stood doing light exercises of their own. "Hold my cane, will ya? I'll do some torso exercises. Just get someone to assist me." I cringed at the thought of needing _any_ help in working out.

"Aye, aye, cap'n clean freak!" She set the cane against a column, running off to where a few familiar people stood talking and working on hand-to-hand workouts. I hid the journal underneath the chair into the compartment before she could ask about it.

I watched her talk to them, and they all turned to me before looking back to the commander. They all came to me, smiles on their faces. "Hello, captain! Good to see you out of your room for a change!" Braus was the first to speak, Kirschtein right behind her.

"Yea. It gets kinda dull around here when you ain't around to scold and curse and punish us lowly idiots."

I scoffed. "Nice to know you finally admit to being an idiot."

They laughed, and I joined with a small snicker. Springer bent down and came back up, handing me a bench pressing weight. I looked to Alert, and he came to me. "Help me to the bench, Arlert. I'll work there."

"Yes, sir." He used to be a timid fella, but years of being in the front lines, planning expeditions with Hanji and fighting on the sidelines all the while has toughened the young boy up. I admired him, in my own way, I guess you could say.

"Great. Now grab on." I lifted my arms, and he slid his arm around my waist and the other grabbing my forearm as he lifted me to my foot. "I won't be able to walk on my one leg, Arlert, so you're gonna have to lift me completely up." Again I blanched when I asked him to pick me up.

He did so almost hesitantly, using the arm holding my arm to grab under my knee and lift me up. He stepped to the bench and lowered me. I laid back and waited for Springer and Kirschtein to stop arguing so one of them could hand me a bench pressing weight. After a couple of minutes waiting, I got fed up with it and whistled loud enough for the whole grounds to hear.

"Kirschtein, Springer, stop your goddamn bickering and hand me a weight! I'm not getting any fucking younger over here!"

The command in my voice shot them up into a proper salute, faces full of fear as they shouted "yes, sir!". I smirked and raised my hands, feeling the twenty pounds fall comfortably into my palms. I gave an experimental lift and drop, nodding as I pulled my arms so the weight was almost resting on my chest before pushing back up with my arms straight.

I repeated the exercise for about five minutes before my right leg, what was my left leg anyway, decided to lift up with my arms and wouldn't stay down no matter how hard I concentrated to keep it down. I grunted as I set the weight against my chest and looked to Ackerman who was doing nothing but watch at the moment. "Ackerman, I need your assistance, if you will."

"Yes, captain. What do you need?" She saluted and walked up to me.

I grunted again and aimed my eyes to my cursed stump. "I need you to help me out and keep my leg down. Holding it down with your palms or sitting on them. Anything to keep it from godforsaken rising while I'm lifting."

"Of course. Which do you think would help better, sir?"

Knowing her strength, I trusted her to do what she thought would work, so I kept the decision up to her. "I trust you enough to do a good job. Just choose one that won't be uncomfortable for you while I work for another ten minutes."

"Alright. Sir, if you don't care, I'll just straddle them. It might be better that way, and I won't be so sore or cramped in the middle if I did it with my hands."

"Alright, Ackerman. Get to work, then. I don't have all day." _I really don't. Lord knows when Eren is going to show his ugly mug._

I puffed through my nose and nodded. She got cozy, and I resumed my pressing. My leg was weighed down, so I worked better without it getting on my nerves.

Ten minutes of doing it, and I was ready to do a few different arm weight exercises. "Arlert, get me some smaller fifteen pound weights. I'm going to do some Hammer and Bicep Curls along with some Side Hammer Curls and Goal Post Presses. I can do all those sitting on this bench, but that's as much as I'll be able to in the long run. Lord knows when I'll be healed enough to do more strenuous activities."

He nodded his blond head and got me what I asked for, and I sat up where I lay and got started on the curls and presses. I work on those for ten minutes per exercise, stopping when I feel my chest tighten in exhaustion. They all worked together to put the equipment away, Ackerman staying behind to help me into my chair. I relaxed and reached for the journal. I rubbed my palm softly across the cover, sighing as I looked to the top of the wall.

"Permission to speak freely, Captain."

I looked back to Ackerman, eyebrow arching up questionably. "Go ahead, Ackerman."

"What is the meaning of the book you hold in your hands? You caress it like a young child, and you look to the sky like you're waiting for something. What is it, Captain?" A frown marred her face, and I looked away from her as I carefully chose my answer.

"You will know in due time, Mikasa. We all just have to be patient. Patience is key, yea?" I just had to be patient if I wanted to see him. Like I said to Mikasa, in due time.

"Alright, sir. Do you want me to fetch Hanji?"

"Yes. Actually, no. Tell her to give me an hour out here. Tell her I want some fresh air."

She nodded and saluted, calling a "yes, sir!" before going off. I finally completely relaxed, looking down and opening the journal. I had weeks of entries in here I still had to finish, and I wanted to be finished before I saw him again. I read the first one last night, so that leaves me with sixty more to go.

As I read on, the wind started to blow and mess with the pages, but I turned the wheelchair away from it and continued my journey into his thoughts. A lot of the entries were short and hurried, while others were long and paced. The last one was what had me on my toes. It told of everything in his point of view. From his childhood before and after the fall of Wall Maria, to his trainee years and his Scout years, the deaths and losses. His ever-growing list of lost loved ones and friends, and his growing rage towards the Titans and the unknown enemies across the located ocean.

I read the last half and almost lost my seating. All this time and the emotions I was feeling were all linked. All were linked to one source that never truly left me. Eren Jaeger was the love of my life, and all this time he was doing everything just to be able to have any sort of happy future with me. As I read the last few paragraphs tears were raining down my face before I could cover them up.

I brushed my fingers delicately over the inked pages, words falling off my tongue in a silent whisper. " _I love you too, Eren. Always have. Forever._ "

"Leviii! Break time is over! Lunch time!" Hanji rushed outside to me, and I wiped my face before she could catch me.

I turned to her and glared, shutting the book. "You know, my hand isn't really in any pain, so I can get myself to the mess house alone."

She just looked at me in amusement and chuckled. "Yea, but I want to heeeeeelp! So let me!" She grabbed my wheelchair handlebars and pushed me inside the mess hall.

I put my head to my chest and sighed in frustration. "Fine then, shit specs. Go make me some food."

"Aye aye, Heichou!" She ran off, and the last word spoken sent me spiraling into memories.

Eren used to be the only one to call me Heichou. Now _she_ does it, probably just to annoy me. She returned with my lunch and a cup of hot black tea, and I sipped at it daintily. I ate what I was able to eat before pain seared my body. Piercing my hand and my nonexisting leg and face. I groaned and covered my mouth, knocking on the table to catch anyone's attention.

I caught Arlert's first, and he got to to assist me. "What's wrong, Captain?"

"I didn't take my pain medication before I ate," I managed to grumble to the boy before I bent and held my hand over my paling lips.

"Oh! Uhm, you want me to push you to your room, sir?"

I nodded, and he proceeded with me forward. We arrived to my room, and he rushed to the mess hall to fetch me a glass of something so I could take my medication. He came back ten minutes later with a cup of tea.

"Sorry, sir! Took me six and a half minutes to steep it, and then a minute and a half to stir in the cube and dash of honey into it!" He handed it over, and I took the three pills and tossed them, gulping a quarter of the cup and swallowing.

"Th-thanks, kid. I appreciate your help just now." I met his eyes, and soon the pain receded enough to sit up. "Got more?"

He nodded and held up the pot of steaming water and his other arm holding a black and good box of tea leaves and a white box of sugar and a small wax bottle of honey.

I exhaled softly. "Thank you," I mumbled, bowing my head. It's a little embarrassing for me being Humanity's Strongest and outwardly showing pain or emotions other that annoyance or anger or nothing at all.

"It's no trouble, sir." Armin set them all down on a table before walking over to me.

"I think if you bring a chair and leave the things by the bed, I'll be fine. Thanks again, Armin."

He grinned at the sound of his name leaving my lips, and he nodded. "Of course, captain!" He got a couple of wooden chairs and set everything on them by the edge of my bed, saluting before leaving the room.

I sighed and sat back drinking my ambrosia: a freshly warm cup of lightly sweetened black tea. I picked up the journal and opened it up. I had already finished the pages. It was all just a waiting game from here on out.

A weight settled on my mind and my pale eyelids, fog and the pain meds drifting me off to a dreamless sleep. I heard the rattle of my window, but I wasn't able to see who opened it because everything became black, and I was lost in the dark.

×× ════════ ××× ════════ ××

I awoke to a sweet lullaby being hummed delicately into my ears. An arm was draped over my waist, a hand brushing softly through my hair. Legs were pressed carefully against mine, a foot curled with mine. I hummed, shifting closer to the warmth I was enveloped in. The humming stopped, and I fluttered my eyes open to see who dared to climb into my bed while I was vulnerable.

My eyes widened quickly, and my breath hitched in my throat. An eye patch lay over the left eye, the other staring into my own lone pupil. I skimmed lower, stopping where our legs intertwined together. His left one was gone below the knee. The right one wrapping around my ankle. My eyes couldn't get any wider by the sight in front of me.

I looked back up to his emerald gaze, a single tear rolling down my pale face. I brought a shaking hand up to the once gloriously sun kissed tan skin, now lighter in shade from age and war and defeat. He gave a shaky smile, and the half in my hair continued to brush the raven strands. My lips parted as if to speak, but I couldn't think of anything to say. The hand that wasn't messing with my tresses came up and cupped my chin in a gentle vise.

He leaned down and captured my mouth in a soft kiss, pink tongue sliding passed pearly whites and quivering pink petal soft lips. It met my own in a whisper of intimacy, and the taste of honey exploded in my mouth. I shoved a whimper down my throat as I steadily pushed my lips against his in return. Our mouths melded poetically for a few short seconds before we both pulled away.

My chromium eyes, which had shut at the touch of his lips, opened slowly and met his jewel-like ones tenderly before my mind exploded with questions. I kept my mouth shut, but only went for the one question: "Are you staying for good, or are you planning on leaving me again, only this time do you plan on not returning to me? To any of us?"

His smile fell, and his eyes moved away. I rolled out of his grasp and threw my foot over the side of the bed. I took a hold of the cane resting against the small side table nearby, using it to stand up and get myself into my wheelchair. I wheeled over to the window and stood back up, placing my free hand onto the sill. I looked to the purple and red and orange sky, the sun peeking behind the clouds and the walls as it took its time to rise higher into the vast, airy plains of the universe.

The sound of my bed creaking told me he had stood up from his position. His silent steps towards his unknown destination roused me. _Is he leaving? Already? Bast-_

Arms, warm and familiar and tense and hesitant arms, wrapped me up. _Oh. He was coming to me. Brat._

I fought to lean against him, and instead focused on the clouds rolling by. _A storm might be brewing up there. We need a little rain down here._

"I'm sorry, Captain. I'm sorry I left, but I explained everything to you in the journals. I don't understand why you are cross with me."

I, myself, don't understand why I'm 'cross with him'. I leaned back and sighed, closing my eyes just as the door burst open.

"Levi– WHAT THE HELL!?"

I mutter a shocked and angered 'fuck' under my breath before I looked back to her. "The hell you doing this early in my quarters, Shitty-Glasses

?!" I swiftly turned around and out of his arms, pointing my finger at them as I immediately scolded them for entering my room at this hour.

Their mouth was gaping wide, stuttering everything they tried to say. Their honey eyes were wide, cheeks red. Like they had been caught doing something they shouldn't have been doing. My glare was sharper than any blade I've welded, words strong as I ordered them out of my room before I kicked their ass out over the walls.

"Right! See ya later, Heichou!" They had run out with watery eyes and a bloody nose, making me shake my head in annoyance.

I blew air threw my nose, falling into bed as I tired myself out from the overexertion.

"Levi?!" He ran to me, checking my pulse.

I chuckled. "I'm fine, you damn brat. Now hold me the fuck now, or I'll fucking break you, yea?"

We turned over and he shoved his face into my chest, sobbing wetly into my shirt as he apologized again and again. I wiped them away and hushed him gently, softly humming our lullaby. It was soothing just as much as when he had hummed it, if not just a bit deeper with my voice.

He stopped eventually, wrapping his arms tighter around my waist as he pulled me closer. I had then shoved my face into his hair, breathing in softly his musky scent. We held each other, not like how one lover holds the other. This is both of us giving all we have to each other in a pink envelope.

Hanji came back and laid down a kettle of steaming water and tea bags, as well as a couple of cups and some sugar and milk, on a chair by the bed. They held a finger to their lips and smiled, tiptoeing out of the room as our eyes met. I knew they wanted to see Eren. They just wanted to give him a big hug and reassure themselves that he was real and alive. But I'm sure just looking at me and him in bed is enough.

I smiled shakily, closing my eyes. I wrapped up in his embrace, and I felt him do the same. We fell into contentment, a soft pleasure that didn't involve anything beyond touching over clothing. Our hands roamed over chests, resting upon synchronizing heart beats. Feathering over stumps of what used to be. Cupping gently the faces we adore, now tarnished with scars and deformities.

Neither of us despised them, we just learned to grow with everything as we grew, and our scars have become the norm to us veterans. He may not have been in war as long as I, but he is still seen as one. Just looking at him you can see it.

My hand stopped in his hair, my other against his chest dedicating his heart beat rhythm to my memory and soul. I closed my eyes and rest my forehead against his shoulder and fell asleep silently in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. That was long........ Love ya? Please don't hate me? See ya later? Hopefully it was worth the wait.....LJ


End file.
